Men would blush if they knew what women discussed among themselves. They probably think we talk about shoe styles, recipes and 10 ways to satisfy our men. These topics, seen slashed across covers of Women’s magazines, may well be addressed in the 30 Something circle but they rarely cross the lips of the Down-and-Dirty Over 50 Group — especially if a bottle of Zinfandel is involved.
For years there has been a hushed battle of the sexes between couples married thirty or more years. Most men in these relationships want sex on a regular basis, while their partners are less than enthralled. This issue may have remained under cover, so to speak, were it not for the creation of Viagra, and Bob Dole’s candid television talks about it. These events enlightened the world to the fact that older couples not only still “do it” but can, conceivably, continue doing it clear into senility. This has caused men to pound their chests and howl like Tarzan, while their Janes can often be found in fetal positions on the floor of closed closets mumbling, “Oh, no.”
The accepted theory is that man’s desire for sex is nature’s way of assuring propagation. Towards this goal God, in His infinite wisdom, created Playboy, Fredericks of Hollywood, Victoria’s Secret, the Wonder Bra (and since when do men need a special bra to ensure that they’ll notice women’s breasts?) and, now Viagra.
I interviewed a group of women married over thirty years and anxious to talk.
He wants sex every damn morning,” complained Vicki.“I can’t sneak out of bed fast enough. His eyes are barely open and he’s all over me.
“Well,” Michelle chimed in, “I’m still asleep and looking like a racoon with yesterday’s smeared eye makeup, and morning breath that could wipe out a country, but does any of that matter to Don? Nooooo. ‘I’m not interested in your breath or your face,’ he says with a wink.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not mentally here to enjoy it with you?” I asked him. “Not at all,” he answered. So we compromised; I told him he could do whatever he wanted with me so long as he didn’t wake me in the process.”
“I’m afraid to sleep with my back to Bob,” said Vicki. “I did that once and was rudely awakened when I was bulldozed onto the floor in the throes of his passion.”
Denise smiled. “The best thing that ever happen to me was Al’s blood pressure pills. They render him helpless.
“I’ve always enjoyed sex,” offered Sondra, “but somewhere along the way my sex drive plummeted and it had a negative effect on our marriage. My gynecologist added a little testosterone to my estrogen prescription, confident that it would perk up my libido. It didn’t. But that’s okay. Since my voice dropped an octave, and I grew a mustache, he’s lost interest.”
I asked if anyone other than their husbands could turn them on.
“Yes,” they answered with resounding enthusiasm.
“So,” I continued, “it’s not that you’ve lost interest in sex; it’s that you’ve lost interest in sex with your partners.”
Again, a unified “YES” followed by giggles.
“After 33 years with the same man it’s a robotic dance. One. Two. Three. Mooooan,” offered Sondra.
“It’s like a new dress,” said Denise. “After wearing it a few dozen times it’s hard getting excited about it anymore, and you find yourself wanting to head to the mall for something new.”
Michelle jumped in. “Viagra is killing me. Since his retirement sex is Don’s new hobby. I begged him to play by himself, but he grinned and said it’s more fun with me.”
“A form of Viagra is now being used by women,” I reported. “Some believe it helps and others say it doesn’t. It’s difficult measuring impotency in women, because they don’t get erections. And there’s so much more to deal with in women, like difficulty getting aroused, painful dryness and………………………….”
“…………………..it can take so long to reach orgasm you’re both certain the Messiah will come before you do,” interrupted Michele.
How comforting for men to know that when their sexual desire no longer matches their performance ability, there will always be doctors, scientists and the FDA working overtime to restore their joy and pleasure. It seems to me that if God could create majestic mountains, magnificent oceans, and men with sex drives lasting far beyond child bearing years, He could have put more time and effort into spicing up aging women’s sagging libidos. As it is, the playing fields simply aren’t equal.
Leave A Comment